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Wednesday, October 4, 2017

They said that!!! No way.

As many of us are, the greatest product of the Greatest Generation, we the Baby Boomers, there are several things, besides quilting and longarming, that we have in common. One of the most predominate items on the agenda seems to be a horrendous lack of “factual” teaching as it pertains to our country’s history we received. Oh, we got bits and pieces or what a quilter might call “scrappy history” but we most certainly didn’t get any full bolts when it comes to the fabric of our true history.

Along the way we were introduced to many famous and often quoted Forefathers, politicians, satirists, humorist, military leaders and some very intelligent individuals. Who may or may not have said what is quoted. For all we know they may have been talking about quilting. Were we in fact made privy to the actual quote or were they edited. Do we really know? So, before Ken Burns jumps on this I thought I would provide some insight into some of those famous quotes and set the records straight. Well as straight as I can be with my tongue in cheek.

Will Rogers is credited with, incorrectly, “I never met a man I didn’t like.” or was it “I’ve never seen a quilt I didn’t like.”

Then of course we have JFK. ”…ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.” Is it possible??? ”…ask not what your longarmer can do for you, ask what you can do for your longarmer.”

Lincoln's “Four score and seven years ago…” Abe could have easily been talking about when he started the quilt he was holding up and Show &Tell.

Patrick Henry's “Give me liberty or give me death.” could easily have gotten confused with “What do you mean there’s no coupon.”

We all know George Patton’s quote, “You need to overcome the tug of people against you as you reach for high goals.” Was originally, “You need to overcome the tug of people against you as you reach for the last bolt on sale.”

Then there is Mae West’s “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” This one was a drastic modification. “You only need to sew the seam once, if not there is always a seam ripper.”

How about Mark Twain’s “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.” We know perfectly well he said, “Blocks almost all the same size is an issue of…”

We all know Mr. Twain’s “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” was changed when he realized not everyone was a quilter. At first it read…”The best way to cheer yourself up is to make a quilt and then pass on the quilt and cheer someone else up.”

When General MacArthur claimed after waking. ”In my dreams I hear again the breaking of a needle, the rattle of an empty bobbin, the strange, mournful mutter of the sewing room.” Well he was General MacArthur so it was recorded,” In my dreams I hear again the crash of guns, the rattle of musketry, the strange, mournful mutter of the battlefield."

We can’t omit the genius of Albert Einstein. We’ve been told he said, “A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” We all know it started out, A person who never made a mistake never tried quilting.” I mean really…anything new?

Then there is the butchering of Ronald Reagans. There are no great limits to a quilter, because there are no limits of a quilters intelligence, imagination, and wonder. Right as rain. Again, modified so as not to show bias. “There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination, and wonder.”

We all know Marilyn Monroe has been quoted as saying, “I’m trying to find myself. Sometimes that’s not easy.” Apparently, the individual recording the quote had a bad connection and missed the rest of it.” when I’m in my stash room.”

We are all aware of the shortening of John Quincy Adams’ “Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish” Scratched for no apparent reason. ”…vanish when one reaches for the seam ripper and a glass of wine.”

Mr. Poe was also victim of a quote being shortened. “Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. Edited out; “…before ‘the design wall was installed.’

At least Poe’s “It will be found, in fact, that the ingenious are always fanciful, and the truly imaginative never otherwise than analytic. Was not so butchered. Only “quilter” was replaced with “ingenious.”

Then there is Elvis…I had no idea he was a longarmer, “There are too many people that depend on me. I'm too obligated. I'm in too far to get out.” Who knew???

That sounds just about right. 
Well time to go. Stay tuned I never know what's next. 
Until then...
Quilt till you wilt...we do. 

Ladies and gentelmen, Elvis has left the sewing room.