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Monday, October 2, 2017

You know you're a longarmer if...

You know you’re a Longarmer if…

you ask the flooring/carpet contractor for their bid in square inches.

your sandwich choice is a BBT (back, batting, top) and not a BLT.

batting is the middle of a sandwich and not Oscar Mayer.

you have pictures of “Pantos” in your phone along with your pets, kids and grand kids.

you celebrate, excessively, when you’ve completed a quilt and there is only six inches of thread left in the bobbin.

you can’t find your glasses, on your forehead, but know where your seam ripper is 24/7.

stress and ‘tension’ are two completely different things.

the tension is correct there never seems to be any stress.

you wish backs were measured and made by someone who fished. We’d get at least 8”-10” longer and wider every time. I mean really, when was the last time you heard a fish story and the one that got away, 8”10”, wasn’t depicted with arms stretched out.

your definition of horizontal is defined by side to side not top to bottom.

your longarm room is always two feet too short and two feet too narrow.

you’re depressed when you find out your favorite thread manufacturer has 27 shades of green and you only have 20.

you have no quilts in queue and no one needs a one-week turnaround.

you have 10 quilts in queue and one in progress, four people call to see if you can do their quilt in a week.

you realize too late after changing thread you didn’t tie off the new color to the old and now you must rethread the machine.

“lint free” is false advertising.

your longarm room really is the "living room." You know the room no one lived in prior to the longarm moving in. 

your Red Snappers smell nothing like fish.

Belly Bar is not a drinking establishment.

you can get out of your jammies, shower and put on a pot of coffee in less than 15 minutes when someone calls and says they are bringing over a quilt.

the power never goes out when the longarm is empty.

the power always goes out when a quilt sandwich is loaded.

you haven’t figured out how to get the longarm in the tub during a Tornado Warning.

you have figured out how to get it in the tub and your spouse is confused.

when you free motion or hand guide all communications with the outside world are via Bluetooth.

you’re on a first name basis with your postal carrier, FedEx and UPS drivers.

you see more Amazon Delivery people than relatives…daily, weekly, monthly and annually.

your longarm knows you know curse words, many curse words.

you have a story that goes along with your longarm’s ‘name.’ Which has nothing to do with the name of the manufacturer.

your longarm and accessories would have paid for college.

your longarm and accessories cost more than your car.

you could have had a pool, several cruises, a beach house or mountain cabin.

you are considered sane, competent, totally understandable and in touch with the world…by other longarmer's.

longarm is in fact one word, regardless of what a spell check says. 

Quilt till you wilt...we do. 

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